1.5: Grammar

Everything you know about grammar is wrong. The purpose is to use the completely wrong grammar while still being reasonably understandable.
Do not say "I have a flower", instead say "I haz a flowr"
Basic Format:
I haz a (verb).
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REMEMBER: has or have can also be spelt haz, and perfectly fluent people don"t need vowels, but you should still use them untill you are a little better.
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1.4: Punctuation

Ok, so this is EASY never use any punctuation. You can use question marks but they are not necessary. Of course, like with every language there are exceptions, so here they are:

he'll - do NOT change this to hell. (btw he"ll means he will but hopefully even you know that)

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REMEMBER:
btw means by the way
and you need to study! Even if the lesson is short you can review old lessons (!)
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1.3: Common Expressions

So, you figured you were good and tried to text your kids, right? Then they sent back some random words that you are sure are not in the english language.
Here are some common expressions:
(btw if u dnt get wt a lttr stnds 4 try a cuss wrd lol tho ur kidz prlly didnt use alot of these on u lolz or if they did they prlly didnt realize u kno wat they r tlking bout, but now u do so theyll get in trubl ha ha lsrs)

lol- laugh out loud (variation: lolz)
wtf- what the _? (variation: wth -what the _ , often with a question mark on the end but not necessary)
omg- oh my god (variation: omfg- oh my _ god)
lmao -laughing my _ off ( variation: roflmao- rolling on floor laughing my _ off)
btw - by the way

lesson 1.2: Saying goodbye

Saying Goodbye:
talk to you later - ttyl
be right back - brb
got to go- g2g
bye- byes
see you later- c u l8r

Remember: study a little everyday, this is a new language.
(bsides, u send ur kidz 2 school 4 like a mllion hrs a day this iz paybak lol so STDY!!! )

Lesson 1.1: Basic Words

Basic substitutions for words:
for - 4
you- u
be - b
has/have- haz
love/heart - <3

In a sentence:
i haz a flower 4 u. <3
(i have a flower for you. love)
Love expresses an emotion. When you are typing on teh computer you have to type out your emotions, I will talk about that a little later in a different lesson.

Learn these! They are simple but you MUST know them.

1.0: Intro

Congratulations on deciding to learn how to understand and communicate your kids
(congratz on *trying* 2 understand & tlk 2 ur kidz lol)

There are two basic languages:
*Chat speak
*Text speak (or txt spek)

There is also:
*lol speak
but that is a lot harder.

Text Speak is a little easier, take out all unnecessary vowels. But you should know some basic chat Speak to be able to speak it. Eventually, it will be so hard to not talk like that you will get told off my your boss for sounding like a teenager. (:D) w00tness lest start.

This is still English, but there is a different grammar, very different punctuation and new spelling and sometimes entirely new words.

ABOUT "zippi's guide" AND LEARNING:
Try to do one post a day, at the end there are fun quizzes and of course try to IM or text your children/cool friends so that you can reinforce the lesson. There are generally t parts to a section, so you will do a post a day. There are 5 lessons per week then on the weekend you get the "Culture Shock" post and then the quiz.

Good luck!